When All Hope Seems Lost

I guess I am an odd duck.  The things I throw myself into at times could drive any other person mad.  Specifically my husband.

My genealogical research was stalled on a very important branch of the tree just two weeks ago.  The growth was stunted, because I was totally unable to find any information.  Instead of moving forward or staying in place, I decided to go back into the trunk and see if there was something I'd missed in the layers of bark.  Unfortunately, I only revealed to myself that I really had missed anything.  Every layer was in line and revealing every facet laid out in full perfect detail, save for one thing...I had chosen to ignore a tiny piece of information.

Why ignore it?

Because the email address for the data was over a decade old, and I honestly didn't believe that ANYONE would still have an AOL address.  I had seen this address numerous times in my research, and each time I noted the information that had been given in a forum and then moved past the contact without another thought.

I did this again just last week and decided to throw my hands up and resign myself to pray that someone would be able to find the information some day.  I moved away from the computer to break myself free for a few minutes before working on another branch.

I continued in my usually successful attempt to ignore this bit of information, only this time I felt like I was a mother with a child that desperately wanted my attention.  I was being poked, with my apron skirt being tugged on and a little voice kept asking me, "Why can't you talk to that one? Why? Why? Why?!  Come on, let's try it.  Please, can we? Huh? Please can't we just do it?!" Or like in Family Guy, Stewie nagging at Lois

You mothers, aunts, grandmothers, daycare givers and older sisters know exactly what I'm talking about--maybe even a few male counterparts.  There is always a little one doing just that to you for one reason or another.  And what do we do when this happens?  We give in and, just to shut them up, do as they ask.  So, I did just that.

I needed my brain to leave me alone about that contact.  I was 99.9% certain that there would be nothing coming from that contact.  Ever. Never going to happen.

Never. Say. "Never."

The very next morning there was a response to my email inquiry. I sent a timid and gentle reply back, thanking them for their time and that if they couldn't give me much more than what I already had, I would understand.

Two weeks later, that branches bark has strengthened.  Twigs have began to branch off to create even more beautiful branches have began to weave their way through and leaves have begun shine brightly.  The branch of that tree is once again blooming with information.

The smallest pebble on a mountain, may cause a landslide.
The gentlest of missteps can cause a small pile of snow to turn into an avalanche.
Never give up, never surrender.
When you believe things are hopeless, hang on to that sliver of hope that is teasingly dangling by a very thin and frayed piece of string.

All this and a small discussion on Facebook have increased my desire to write.  I have an idea, and it will require quite a bit of research, but I am ready for it.  I am welcoming the challenge that it may bring.  If I can succeed when all hope seemed lost, why couldn't I succeed when there is more than a glimmer of a chance at something?

Once you choose hope, anything is possible.

~Christopher Reeve

The Gift of Genealogy: Take Two

Recently, I was asked to help a relative locate someone whom they are a descendant of.  I love doing the research, so I was MORE than happy to oblige!  The moment I entered the name into Ancestry.com, the little leaves you always hear about in the commercials, began to spring.

It was mind-blowing!  All it took was a name and knowing two small facts about a set of parents and *POOF* everything began to appear.  It was great! I began finding more and more relatives as the night drew to a close. The relative left my home, and I continued to fill them in on my findings over the next few days.

Less than two weeks later, I found something that has kept me awake, mind wandering and pondering.  Never in my life would I have believed that I would find one of the most intriguing stories I'd ever set eyes on.  I can't stop researching the subject, because it makes me wonder what led to the events of the story and what happened to everyone involved.  I've been on this branch of the tree for nearly two weeks, and I know this relative is a bit overwhelmed with the amount of information I have been able to find.  I want to slow things down and not be so devastatingly forthcoming with the details.

The problem is once I get started, I just cannot stop. I'm like Walter Sherman (character on The Finder, a FOX TV Series starring Geoff Stults and Michael Clarke Duncan) in that way.  I feel like if I were to stop, it might physically hurt. I know I will lose sleep if I don't find everything there is to find about the subject.

Photo courtesy: Fox.com  -- Lettering added by "Writing Off into the Sunset" blog author.

"What happens when he can't find something? I will tell you. He will run himself ragged like a bloodhound." 

~The Finder: Episode 1: Pilot
Speaking Character: Isabel

That quote best describes how I am. I think that's why I like the show so much.  Walter Sherman, though fictional, makes me feel somewhat normal about my need to research a subject until I'm satisfied or can't find anything more.  I haven't found any ancestral link to why I am this way, I just am.

What researching these stories has done for me is a story in itself. I have learned valuable information on how to do even more research in other aspects of media to find ancestors and what stories may be connected to them.  In such a short time, they've become invaluable tidbits to help me with my own branch of the tree.

The sad part of this post is this: when people set on a journey into ancestral history, they don't expect to find anything truly scandalous in their family's past.  Unfortunately, it can happen. The important thing to remember is that it is in the past, not an actual part of the person one has become on their own.  What our ancestors may have done in the past can't inflict the pain on us now, that it may have inflicted on those immediately around them at the time. We can learn of these stories, take them in, and reconcile our feelings about them. If nothing else, we can learn from the mistakes they may have made.

The Kelly Clarkson/Jorgen Eloffson song "Stronger" is relevant to a point.

...What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter...

It's the same as any life lesson we have been made to deal with.

Accept what has happened. Learn from it. Move past it. Stand straighter with the knowledge you hold, because you are a better person for it. Go out there swinging with all your might, because the information can't hurt you. You are better for knowing, because you can choose your path.

Check Please! I Need Change Back.

Charge it!

"You Don't Want to Pay With a Credit Card?"

Yes... I was asked this over the weekend because I paid cash at a restaurant while I was out with the ladies.  Not by the girls mind you, but by the waiter!  I kid you not!  

He brought the credit receipts back before he brought my change. As a matter of fact, when he came to drop the others' receipts, he let me know that he wasn't sure if the restaurant had change!

Really?!  This was a chain restaurant!  You can't tell me that on a Friday night this business didn't know how to keep change on hand! If so, they need new management. It's Retail Finance 101.  Without the appropriate cash on hand and in reserve, you cannot operate your business to its potential.

So to make the situation even stranger, when he did come back he gave me a rounded dollar amount back. My bill was $21.79. I gave him $40. I got $19 back. Most people would say "shut the hell up, you got extra money back!"  While I completely understand this way of thinking, I was a little put off that A) he didn't count my change, B) everyone using that register was going to be in trouble for the short, especially if it had been done over and over again in the same night, and C) I was the problem child for paying cash!!

I began pondering whether or not we as a society were going in this direction.  Are we really using the plastic to pay for everything?

So, guess what I did.  I ran my own little test.

Objective: Discover whether others take issue with me for paying cash and see how the cash payment is handled.

Cash: The evil paper!

Action: Go out and pay cash at a minimum of two other establishments.
Results: Three tries, same results. They fumbled.

1.) They each had to recount the cash I had handed them--twice! 

2.) None of them knew how to count back change. (Start with the amount of the bill, loose coin to round up, then bills until you get to the amount originally given for payment.)

3.) Instead of service with a smile, which is how each had started, I got a look of disdain. I was yet again--times three--the problem child for paying cash.

Wow!  

That's all I can figure to say.  Wow!

What were to happen if the digital age got iced? Would anyone know what to do?

WAY back, we had to get driver's license as well.

I remember having to carbon credit cards to take payment (yes, I'm that old, so shush). 

One of the first things I was taught in retail, was how to count change back.  You don't count a person's change that you are giving them, you count from the purchase price to the amount paid.  Is it really that difficult?  

Am I the only odd one? 

Why Can't People Just Leave It Be?

A funny thing happened on the way to blog...

Life!

So a lot has happened since I last blogged...obviously, since it has been well over a month since I last wrote. Much happiness and many frustrations.  I should have enough material to write about in the WEEKS to come.  Thus begins another entry...

--<--{@}-->--

It amazes me how some people always feel they have a solution to YOUR problem. I may be guilty of this also, I can admit that, but if someone tells me they're done, I'm done. No more probing or prodding, I just stop.  This is not the way of others and it gets a bit ridiculous.

I've told people over and over again that I am done. D.O.N.E. DONE! There's nothing I can do that won't cost me money that I really don't have.  Yet, numerous people just keep coming at me with a "solution". I've seen the solutions. I am a research geek! If it exists, I can find it.  I've done all the reading on the subject. Checked my financial resources and it just is not possible.

I've told people over and over that I have given in. I can't go any farther on the matter, so we're just living life as it has been handed to us.  I accept my role in life, and I am dealing with it to the best of my ability.  I sometimes crack under the pressure of someone else's announcement, but that is to be expected.

Have I completely confused you yet?

Let me ask this...
Have you ever wanted something so badly, that you've looked down every single avenue and all of their side streets and cracks in the walls that you could think of or find?  Gone to great lengths, even done some things that made you personally uncomfortable or scared?  Anything and everything just to get to where you so desperately want to be?

I have. I spent the better part of eight years, exhausting myself and my husband.  We finally sat down two years ago and discussed our next step. There was none. We decided to end the stress and accept it. We are fine with our decision, but our families just won't quit. If it were just one or two people, maybe I could deal, but it's coming from all sides and it's just not right.  We'd told EVERYONE. We are not interested in talking about the subject anymore.  Subject closed.  THE END.

Hey there Einstein! Why is it so difficult for you to get the picture?  The solution exists, yes, but it can not be done at this time. Which, given the time-frame we have to work with...

It's not happening. Sorry to disappoint, but can we please move on and cut the bull?

The Gift of Genealogy

I'm a big research freak.  If I'm passionate enough about something, I research it until I'm completely satisfied.  I do it with my story writing--yes, I write stories, but I'll save that for another time--because I want to be accurate in my detailing.  If someone were to check on something I've written, I want them to see that I put my heart and soul into all I've done.


Researching the family genealogy is exciting and insightful.  Although, I will admit that at times it can be downright frustrating!

The things I've learned about my ancestors has sent me through the full range of emotions. Sadness, grief, disgust, curiosity, confusion...you name it, and I've felt it.  Here's why...



Some of the things I've found:

A relative that left his family to go off to war in the 1800s, was presumed dead, but I found him four states away three years later. (Was I sure? Yes. He didn't bother to change his name or birth date)

Two relatives that married.  Each other.  An uncle married his great-great-great-great-great niece.  She was only half related, but still...

The husband's family has been linked to Poe.  Edgar Allan Poe.

My husband's family has also been linked to assisting President Lincoln in the aftermath of his shooting.  The details were in a book that was NOT written by any member of the family.  Details had been given by officials or townsfolk.

I've learned that my father's side of the family may not have Japanese blood, but Spanish blood.  Spain.

My husband's grandfather was one of thirteen children, but my father-in-law had only ever met seven of them.  He only knew of one of the deaths.  In actuality six children died in early childhood or at birth.  The reasons varied and it makes me sad to think about how hard things were for everyone then.

The funniest thing--not funny ha ha, but funny strange--my husband's family on his mother's side and my family on my mother's side lived doors from each other in Illinois during the late 1800s/early 1900s. CRAZY! If I find that we're related, I may have to kick him. Just kidding...

Then again, if we think about it...we're all related anyway. Mother Eve and Father Adam are our original parents.  I digress...

So those were some crazy things, eh?  I've been doing this research since 2005 and I've made sure to include extended family.  The tree currently sits at 5069 ancestors and it grows daily.  As I gather more information, the branches bloom with fresh intelligence and my excitement is renewed.

I know, I'm an odd duck.

The frustration comes from inaccurate information due to human error.  There are transcribers for all the vital records and some either don't know how to read or they're dyslexic.  I have found misspellings and completely inaccurate transcriptions.  How do I know this?  Because I can view images of the original documents.

An example of incorrect transcription--Line 93 listed with the number 166 contains the names Owen and Margarett Kelly.  Owen's name may have been transcribed as Deven or Devon. The Kelly name may have been transcribed as Kellog. Not that they were, but they could have been if the transcriber didn't pay attention to the handwriter's script.

Image Courtesy of rootdig.com

I've reported the incorrect information that I have come across and some of it has been resolved--I'm still waiting on a few things.  I'm certain I will find more though.

Image courtesy NBC

If you haven't watched the series "Who Do You Think You Are?" produced by Lisa Kudrow,  you should.  It returns to NBC starting Friday, February 3rd.  It's going into its third season and I'm really looking forward to it.  I know it's researching the ancestry of celebrities, but you can see the journey that people go through.  I kind of wish they'd use real people once in a while.  I would most definitely apply.



How much do you know about your own ancestry?  Are you curious now?