Marriage Advice on the Sly

I was recently approached by someone asking me for my opinion on situations that often come up in a marriage or any relationship for that matter. I am no expert, but I have learned that I can't sweat the little things that happen.  Sometimes you just have to let the niggling annoyances go.

We all know how hard that is.  Men always say that it's us women who have a filing cabinet in our minds of everything they've ever done wrong.  They consider it an arsenal, I just consider it good memory.  Women aren't the only creatures that do this.  Yes, I am looking at the men...and the children for that matter.

You hear it in the stores as you're walking by a mom. "If you behave, I will get you something before we leave." The child often responds with, "You said that last time!"  Later on, you hear the kid wailing about the promise that was supposedly broken yet again. Mom is red-faced, rolling her eyes, pulling her hair out, and looking apologetic for the outburst of her darling little child.  It wasn't necessarily the promise that was broken, but the definition of "behave" wasn't clear enough for the kid to understand.  Or if it was, they have a short term memory.

I don't want to put the instance down because I like keeping things as anonymous as possible on here.  However, I can tell you what I told her.  Again, I am NOT an expert on marriage.

Marriage is a partnership.  You are to deal with incidents as they happen, together as a team.  If there is a large project needing done in the house, get everyone that lives in that house involved.

If you come across some items, though married, you don't feel you should be handling (i.e. work papers, parents' legal documents) set them in a pile for your life-mate to go through.  There's nothing that says you can't be neat and organized without being nosy.  It's what I do.  It's what I've been doing.

I've written before about clearing the clutter in my home.  When I came across things that were my husband's, I set them aside for him to go through.  He'd go through them and stick them back in the pile, which annoyed the heck out of me, but I let it go and made a mental note to re-stack those in his to-go-through pile the next go 'round.

He always says he'd already gone through it, and I'd remind him that he should find a home for it. Thus begins the cycle anew.  I know this will happen every time, and every time I am prepared for it. I just smile and look pretty.

Growing up I always heard marriage is a 50-50 deal.  Even the Christian books on marriage would say that.  I disagree whole-heartedly.  Marriage isn't a 50-50 partnership.  If you both aren't putting your whole selves into it every day, you're short-changing not only your partner but yourself. Why?  Because, what do we do as a species?  We stand back, cross our arms, and say "well, you didn't do that for me, so I'm not doing this for you."  Our inner child then sticks their tongue out and storms off in a temper tantrum.

You have to give your marriage your all or it's not going to last.  It isn't "his and hers" or "he said, she said".  It's "ours" and  "we".

I know first-hand how supremely frustrating it can be to spend all day, power-scrubbing your kitchen, only to have your partner or child come home and spill some breadcrumbs or soda and then walk off, leaving the mess for you to clean up.  Every time it happens, and I mean EVERY single time, I go to that person and ask them to please clean up after themselves.  I explain that I spent a good portion of my day, making sure that the kitchen was germ free and crumb free.  EVERY time I get the same response, "I didn't make a mess."  I just smile and they feel the urge to go and check.

Kill 'em with kindness.  My husband thinks my smile during those times looks sinister, and it probably does, but if I don't smile, I'd most likely scream.

I picture myself looking much like the bride in The Haunted Mansion, raising and lowering her axe as she says, "I do" or "until death, do us part".  If sinister gets the job done, sinister I shall be.

Marriage is hard work.  It's not magical--all unicorns and rainbows--it takes a lot of effort to work through your differences and combine your individual personalities.  It doesn't stop being work just because you've been married longer than most people can fathom.  You really need to pick your battles and once the battle has ended, by way of a satisfactory agreement for both parties, you go back to being a loving couple.  If you dwell on the incident for too long, then you're only prolonging your pain.  Where is the good in that?

Don't sweat it, let it go, and save yourself the grief.  You don't know how long you have with your loved ones.  Wouldn't your time be better spent enjoying life together instead of fighting every step of the way about things that really don't matter?

Marinate on that...

Adventures in Babysitting

I LOVE my sister's daughters--my nieces! If I go without seeing them for too long, I get a little depressed.  She has four girls and a stepson. Two teenagers, a tween, and two toddlers. I know what you're thinking..."Holy crap!" It's a crazy life, and I help when and where I can.

{{quick note: Also have a brother-in-law with six kids--five boys and one preteen girl. I know...CRAZY}}

We don't have kids of our own, but thank the Heavens above, I have a husband that joins me in my Disneyphile freakness!  One of our guest rooms is a Disney room. Disney collectibles, Disney toys in the toybox, Disney books and magazines, Disney games, Disney bedding...You get the picture.  The kids love visiting all of our Mickeys and all of his friends. There's the Seven Dwarfs, various Stitches, Dumbo, NUMEROUS Mickeys, Mr Potato Head...again, you get the picture.

Sometimes we'll have the laptop in the room, playing a Disney movie, but the two of them get so engrossed in playing that it's more for the background noise.  It's also in case either of them get a little tired, then they can lay down and watch a movie and drift off into nappy time!

SIDE NOTE: I like nappy time. I can clean up and grab another cup of coffee to re-energize, because by then, I am exhausted! My energy boost will have only been in my system for two MAYBE three hours by this time.  "Five-Hour Energy" never met a toddler it could take, let alone two at once.

"Princess" as she likes to be referred to now--thanks to her Daddy and me--(I don't give names, for anonymity's sake) almost always wants to come to my house.  She actually asks to, which pleases me to no end.

I am the dreaded one that got her hooked on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  She didn't even know who Mickey Mouse was before I introduced her. LOL Mind you, she is only three.

We don't usually watch much television when I have her and her little sister, whom we shall refer to as Little Missy Thang. We play A LOT!  Dress up, toss the ball, build a castle, bean bag toss, etc., etc...

Today was a different animal. I had some things left undone from yesterday and if I didn't get them done, trouble would ensue. I digress.

I put on Lady and the Tramp in the Disney room, set them down with their morning fruit, and went about doing things. Not twenty minutes later, Princess comes running in holding Little Missy Thang's sippy-cup of water by the handle with the tips of two fingers. Apparently Little Missy Thang decided her cup needed a bath...in the toilet...while her sister was readying to use it. **facepalm**  It's a good thing I had cleaned it, but still... insert heeby-jeebies here with body convulsions.

As it turned out, getting things done was not an option. Little Missy Thang was very needy today. She asked to be picked up and then clung to my neck so that I had to sit with her. It's a rare thing that she does that with me, so how could I refuse? Princess decided she was tired too and she wanted Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on. That required moving out into the living room which Little Missy Thang was not at all happy about.  I got her to calm down by giving her big hugs and rocking her while humming.

Two hours later they were both passed out on the couch, and I had about a half hour of quiet time before Little Missy Thang woke up. Oddly enough, I missed the clinging and grouchiness, so I was a little relieved. We sat together and she had her afternoon snack.

When Princess woke up, she was not at all happy to be awake. She was more grouchy and whiny than she had been when she passed out.  We had a few tantrums and time-outs later on, but all in all it was a good day.

Like I said, I love those girls! I love being an auntie. I didn't get all of my things done, but the time spent with the littles was well worth the procrastination.