Why Can't People Just Leave It Be?

A funny thing happened on the way to blog...

Life!

So a lot has happened since I last blogged...obviously, since it has been well over a month since I last wrote. Much happiness and many frustrations.  I should have enough material to write about in the WEEKS to come.  Thus begins another entry...

--<--{@}-->--

It amazes me how some people always feel they have a solution to YOUR problem. I may be guilty of this also, I can admit that, but if someone tells me they're done, I'm done. No more probing or prodding, I just stop.  This is not the way of others and it gets a bit ridiculous.

I've told people over and over again that I am done. D.O.N.E. DONE! There's nothing I can do that won't cost me money that I really don't have.  Yet, numerous people just keep coming at me with a "solution". I've seen the solutions. I am a research geek! If it exists, I can find it.  I've done all the reading on the subject. Checked my financial resources and it just is not possible.

I've told people over and over that I have given in. I can't go any farther on the matter, so we're just living life as it has been handed to us.  I accept my role in life, and I am dealing with it to the best of my ability.  I sometimes crack under the pressure of someone else's announcement, but that is to be expected.

Have I completely confused you yet?

Let me ask this...
Have you ever wanted something so badly, that you've looked down every single avenue and all of their side streets and cracks in the walls that you could think of or find?  Gone to great lengths, even done some things that made you personally uncomfortable or scared?  Anything and everything just to get to where you so desperately want to be?

I have. I spent the better part of eight years, exhausting myself and my husband.  We finally sat down two years ago and discussed our next step. There was none. We decided to end the stress and accept it. We are fine with our decision, but our families just won't quit. If it were just one or two people, maybe I could deal, but it's coming from all sides and it's just not right.  We'd told EVERYONE. We are not interested in talking about the subject anymore.  Subject closed.  THE END.

Hey there Einstein! Why is it so difficult for you to get the picture?  The solution exists, yes, but it can not be done at this time. Which, given the time-frame we have to work with...

It's not happening. Sorry to disappoint, but can we please move on and cut the bull?

Weight and the Act of Fluctuation

"With fame, you know, you can read about yourself, somebody else's ideas about you, but what's important is how you feel about yourself--for survival and living day to day with what comes up."

~Marlyn Monroe

I don't like talking about weight.  Why?  Because it's depressing.  It's not a real number. The reason I say that is because weight's only consistency is that it fluctuates.  Whether you're thin, overweight, or obese it's always changing.

I know I gained weight last year. It wasn't much (twelve pounds), but I was already overweight to begin with.  Okay, let's be honest.  According to the BMI (Body Mass Index), I am obese. I know what my "ideal" weight is, but if I am to have muscle tone and not look sick, I'd rather be about ten to fifteen pounds higher than that.

Fat DOES NOT weigh more than muscle.  When people exercise to lose weight and get used to seeing the number drop when they step on that scale, when the number goes up again, a part of them gets discouraged and they want to give up.

Without consciously thinking about it, I gave up on focusing on lowering the fat content in my cooking.  I also decided to stick with soy milk since I haven't had any stomach issues since switching away from milk. It's also a decent enough creamer substitute, should I run out of the non-dairy liquid creamer--I hate the powdered crap.

Small change like this, and I've already lost six pounds this year.  It's odd.  I stopped caring about it and I'm dropping. It may not seem like much considering how much I really need to lose, but it's a step in the right direction and that is truly what matters.  It's a positive and that's what I should focus on.  I know once I pick up the pace on the exercise front, it'll drop quicker. Anyway...

I know all these diet gurus tell you to use non-fat this and non-fat that, but why?  What are you really getting out of it? More preservatives? More chemical balancing? I have some older cookbooks from the forties and fifties and none of them call for fat free anything.

A majority of women from the twenties through the seventies weren't overweight.  They were curvy or voluptuous.  They were sexy.  Don't get me wrong some were overweight, you can't completely escape the fat cell, but curvy was sexy...not fat.

Example: Marilyn Monroe - Curvy,  "Stacked",  Beautiful

She didn't have her ribs showing or poking through her clothing.  She had meat on her legs and arms.  She had a gentle puff to her cheeks.  She often said that people called her "the lady with shape"--well duh!  Now, by media standards...she's considered overweight.

The media, however, loves thin women.  By "thin" I'm talking bone thin.

Example: Keira Knightley--thin, but considered sexy.

Don't get me wrong, I adore Keira Knightley, and this picture is of her at her thinnest.  Her body type has her consistently thin, but at times like this picture--in my humble opinion--I think she's just too thin.  If your ribs are showing, that's not a good thing.  You look malnourished, sick.  Sick is not sexy--no matter how much make-up you put on.

I'm not advocating that being overweight is a good thing, it really isn't.  It makes our heart work harder, we have a hard time breathing, and it can cause skeletal issues.  What I am a believer in, however, is being a healthier me.  

Me...me...me...me...me!  What will make me happy?  Finding a way, of my choosing, to be a healthier me. 

Inspiration in a Day's Activities

So...I'm trying to get into a routine of doing things. I guess you would call it, "setting a schedule," of sorts.  I have certain days that I complete certain household tasks, but I want to be sure to set aside some time to do some things for myself.

It's hard to do that. I know it sounds weird, because most people would be happy to have all the free time in the world to just do nothing.  I, on the other hand, don't mind keeping busy.  I think that's why, when I was in retail, I worked so hard.  It wasn't just the work ethic I was brought up with and taught in school.  I liked being BUSY.

If I sit for too long, I really get bored.  So bored in fact that I wind up taking a nap because if I'm not moving I feel like I should be sleeping.  Part of the reason I nap during the day could also be because I don't sleep well, when I should. I just can't shut the mind off.

What I really want to try to do is set a couple of days a week to just experiment with food. I've done it before.  I've created some good things by experimenting.  I have a chili that family and friends rave over and a cookie that is "demanded" every Christmas. I do get the occasional "Baby, that's a keeper", but I didn't write anything down because, honestly, I took a bunch of leftovers and made something just because I was inspired. What could I really have written down?

Take leftover spaghetti sauce, add Worcestershire sauce, garlic, cinnamon, brown sugar and cilantro. Saute diced onion. Cube leftover chicken and heat in skillet with onion. Pour liquid into pan, coating ingredients, and heat thoroughly in skillet. Serve over rice or breakfast potatoes with carrots, basil tomatoes or corn cob.

That's not a recipe, that's a fun time playing in the kitchen.  And yes...I have done that before. I know people think I'm crazy.  My husband sometimes thinks I'm a pseudo-genius, and that is what drives me.  

I'm a people-pleaser.  If I find that someone enjoys something I've made, I am sure to make it for them anytime they ask for it. If I wrote it down... 

My sister asks for Chicken Estufao everytime she comes home from college for a visit.  My father-in-law asks for my super secret chili recipe or my great-grandmother's Spanish rice or her nut cookies. Actually, my father-in-law's list seems to grow every year. LOL  The husband...he doesn't care so long as it's good.  

Here's the rub, where the dearest, sweet man whom I call "my husband" is concerned.  He's happy with boxed meals.  He doesn't mind frozen TV-dinners.  If it comes in a jar, it's spreadable on bread or a tortilla. If it came in a sealed plastic bag it's snacky delicious.  

What's wrong with all that?  Absolutely nothing.  Except for the fact that I am a "from scratch" kind of girl!  I know boxed/canned/frozen is how a lot of people were brought up--heck I was too--but I watched my grandmother and great-grandmother (the few times I actually saw them) create some magical dishes with a recipe and some fresh ingredients.  

I LOVE getting my hands dirty...in food.  It's cathartic for me.  If I'm angry, I can pound some poultry or nuts with a mallet. If I'm sad, making a sweet treat might help me to feel better when I see the look on the husband's face as he munches.  

If I'm feeling inspired, who knows what I'll accomplish? So that is what I am going to do for myself as often as I possibly can. Play in the little cave that is my kitchen.

Inspiration is the key to fulfillment!

"The greatest gift is a portion of thyself."   ~Ralph Waldo Emerson