The Communication Trap

Ever trap your spouse or significant other in a conversation that they have no way out of? I'm sure we all have a technique. Mine is during road trips. There's nowhere to hide.

**insert evil witch cackle here**

I used to be my husband's navigator. Then he purchased a GPS. He didn't much like the fact that I always knew where we were going and that he was at my mercy. Okay, it may not be for that reason, but it was comical because we always took the same route to the only place we really go on any road trip. Disneyland. After eleven plus years, you'd think it would be a "duh" at this point.

Back to the GPS...how many times have we gotten lost since? Numerous! She's - I say she, because the voice he has chosen is a British woman - even attempted to kill us by driving us into a brick wall. I think she's jealous. When she is wrong, and she is, I am there to navigate us back to where we need to be to get where we're going.

Disneyland: California Adventure

For the times when the husband doesn't need me to guide us to our destination, I really don't have anything to do except speak to him about various things. Some of you know what I'm getting to. It's the roadtrip trap.  He's got nowhere to go.  He has to talk about whatever subject I bring up, that is unless he brings up his own topic.

I know...it's wrong to do it, but seriously when do we have six hours to sit and discuss things that are happening in our lives?  By the time he calms down from his long day at work, he's ready to go to sleep.  I don't have the heart to try to bring up serious topics of conversation after he's had a rough day - which is almost always, since union negotiations began eight months ago.  Our weekends are usually filled with running this way and that to go to different family events or to complete a home project.

I try to justify my trapping him into a conversation by telling myself that if I just get the conversation out of the way, we can both relax and enjoy our little trip.

We always pack our "vacation" days with fun activities so there is, honestly, little relaxing being done. Sometimes our plans work out and other times they don't.  Those events become topic of conversation for the trip back.

This week...we're driving five and a half hours to see family and friends for Thanksgiving with a side trip to Disneyland.

Topic? I'll have to save the subject for a later post.

Must Give Parents Credit Where Credit is Due

I don't have kids of my own, not by choice, but I do have numerous nieces and nephews.  I know it's not the same, but it's what I have, and I am dealing with what I have been given.  I often envy mothers for the treasure they've been blessed with.  I know what some of you mothers are thinking, "She's off her rocker!" If I were in your shoes, I may be saying the same, but I'm not and probably won't be, so my vision is a bit skewed.  Indulge me, because I think you will appreciate what I have to say.

You know the quote, "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry"?  That is what happened early this morning.  I had planned to do a few DIY projects at the house today, but I was in no hurry to get out of bed.  As a matter of fact, I was passed out and in a very dreamy state when my phone pulled me out.  Lately, I've been sleeping through the melody, but today I was easily yanked "off stage right" by it at 7am.

I was being asked to play mommy for the day.  My two littlest nieces were the only ones that were in good health in a house of six.  Their mother was too weak to care for them and the rest of the house was not fairing much better.  I, of course, agreed to the undertaking of such an awesome responsibility.  Why wouldn't I? They are my nieces, and I love them to pieces.

I knew I would not be able to get my projects done for the day, but I figured I could definitely get some chores done that I had planned to put off until tomorrow.  That should be the easiest thing, right? Uh, yeah... Not really.  It is definitely something you have to be used to.  I watch them often, but never really for more than four hours by myself.  Usually, I just leave a hole in my day, so that I can spend time playing games, having tea, building castles out of chairs and blankets or seeing what Mickey Mouse's latest escapade was that week.

I picked them up and brought them over to my home. After bringing their items in, I began to cook their breakfast while attempting to make myself a much needed cup of coffee.  I am no good in the mornings without my medium-dark roast.  I have a Keurig machine so it couldn't be easier, right?  I mean all you do is pop a K-cup in, turn it on, once the blue light flashes, close it up, press the appropriate size (LARGE today) and viola, a deliciously aromatic cup of joe.  For some reason, it wasn't so simple today.

I nearly burned the eggs, because I had lost focus and was staring down the toaster instead of the stove.  I finished making our breakfast and sat down with them to eat a slice of toast. I only realized I'd forgotten my coffee when I went to reach for the cup I thought I'd brought to the table with me.  I went to the kitchen and couldn't find my favorite insulated cup--that I wash daily just to use it--the blue lights are flashing, and I still have the apple juice container sitting on the counter.  I go to put it away, and find my cup, sitting where the apple juice bottle had been shelved earlier.

How do you mothers get through your mornings?!  Although, in my defense, I was awakened off schedule, I hope structure helps you all get through.

The day progressed pretty well.  After breakfast, and my second cup of coffee, I got the girls dressed (forcibly with the youngest), and went to our kid-friendly room in the house--the Disney room.  We played a little before I decided I needed to clean up breakfast and I thought, "why not?"  I may as well clean the entire kitchen.  Oh, if only.

Only thirty seconds in the kitchen and I hear the toddling little feet heading in my direction.  It started out innocently enough with a simple request to watch Snow White.  Then another request to sit for this one part I had to see--"Watch this, it's good. No not that part, it's coming. Sit here with me." She pats the couch and I obey like a good auntie.  About halfway through the movie, I tried to get up again, but it was drawing time!  Something to do while watching the movie.  I figured it was no big deal, because the busier they were, the busier I could get at cleaning the house.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Lunch happened soon after that, and of course we couldn't agree on one meal, so I made three.  Last night's leftovers for me, PB&J with carrot sticks for the little and grilled cheese with carrot sticks and apple junks for the littlest little.  Then it was time for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, because the little buggers remembered that I'd said they could watch it after lunch.  Since I hadn't been clear enough on the timing of said viewing, the loophole I'd left allowed a minor manipulation in the agreement.  These kids are good!  Little angels!

Someone needs to put a camera on a kid from the time of their birth and figure out when they begin to gain skills in manipulation and debate.

Of course, littlest little one decides I need to sit and promptly crawls onto my lap and cuddles against my chest.  She passes out within five minutes of doing so, and the other little is asking for a snack.  I told her that she could have one when littlest little woke from her nap.  I take the cuddler to the Disney room and lie her down, and yay for me, she didn't even stir!  Ten minutes later little miss "I have to have a snack now" conks out.

PEACE at last!

Now there came a debate between my head and my body.  Do I nap with them, knowing perfectly well that I may not be sleeping tonight, or do I get some work done around the house?  House won. Damnit!  Although, in hindsight, I suppose it didn't really matter much.  While I was able to get the dishwasher loaded and running, Littlest Little awoke ten minutes later and attempted to rouse her still sleeping older sister.  That was a battle.  I tried to get her to hang with me in the Disney room, but she really wanted her sister.

Before I knew it, the older little woke up, I gave them their snack and we Skyped with another aunt of their's.  All of a sudden I look at the clock and it is nearly 6pm and I hadn't even begun to cook dinner.  I rushed in, started dinner and found out that the dear, sweet man that I call my husband, was not going to be home for dinner.  LUCKY!

The older little came into the kitchen and told me that her tummy hurt. I asked if she felt like food was going to come out of her mouth or if she felt like the potty would help. She chose the latter and when she came back out, she seemed okay.  I was finishing up dinner when she came in and told me that she wasn't hungry, and she began to cry. HARD.  I texted her mother--because I didn't want to wake her--let her know what all was going on and asked her what she would like me to do.

Twenty minutes later, just as I'm getting the kids in their carseats, Mama and Daddy show up to take them home.  I had been with those two toddlers for less than ten hours.  I was exhausted and didn't realize that I had once again overstretched a muscle near my ribs, until I bent to pick up a cracker off the floor.

You stay-at-home mothers and fathers...I don't know whether to envy you or give you a medal for all that you go through on a daily basis.  You need a lot of patience, a phonetic toddler to adult glossary, be willing to give up control and give up sleep.

I won't call you saints, because no one wants to live up to that kind of ideal, but you are damn near.  I have never been so exhausted in my life, and I had painfully intense physical therapy not too long ago.  I applaud your every effort.  How you keep your sanity when there is so much chaos to be dealt with, I'll probably never know.  I don't believe anyone could truly fathom it.

I cleaned seven spills, wiped down the bathroom three times, kept a toddler from eating dog food and a dog treat, picked up the playroom twice, stood guard over Timeout Tower, etc...Long ass day.

Why Can't People Just Leave It Be?

A funny thing happened on the way to blog...

Life!

So a lot has happened since I last blogged...obviously, since it has been well over a month since I last wrote. Much happiness and many frustrations.  I should have enough material to write about in the WEEKS to come.  Thus begins another entry...

--<--{@}-->--

It amazes me how some people always feel they have a solution to YOUR problem. I may be guilty of this also, I can admit that, but if someone tells me they're done, I'm done. No more probing or prodding, I just stop.  This is not the way of others and it gets a bit ridiculous.

I've told people over and over again that I am done. D.O.N.E. DONE! There's nothing I can do that won't cost me money that I really don't have.  Yet, numerous people just keep coming at me with a "solution". I've seen the solutions. I am a research geek! If it exists, I can find it.  I've done all the reading on the subject. Checked my financial resources and it just is not possible.

I've told people over and over that I have given in. I can't go any farther on the matter, so we're just living life as it has been handed to us.  I accept my role in life, and I am dealing with it to the best of my ability.  I sometimes crack under the pressure of someone else's announcement, but that is to be expected.

Have I completely confused you yet?

Let me ask this...
Have you ever wanted something so badly, that you've looked down every single avenue and all of their side streets and cracks in the walls that you could think of or find?  Gone to great lengths, even done some things that made you personally uncomfortable or scared?  Anything and everything just to get to where you so desperately want to be?

I have. I spent the better part of eight years, exhausting myself and my husband.  We finally sat down two years ago and discussed our next step. There was none. We decided to end the stress and accept it. We are fine with our decision, but our families just won't quit. If it were just one or two people, maybe I could deal, but it's coming from all sides and it's just not right.  We'd told EVERYONE. We are not interested in talking about the subject anymore.  Subject closed.  THE END.

Hey there Einstein! Why is it so difficult for you to get the picture?  The solution exists, yes, but it can not be done at this time. Which, given the time-frame we have to work with...

It's not happening. Sorry to disappoint, but can we please move on and cut the bull?

Scratch

"Non-cooks think it's silly to invest two hours' work in two minutes' enjoyment; but if cooking is evanescent, so is the ballet."  ~Julia Child

I talked before about how I am a "from scratch" girl when it comes to cooking.  I completely and totally enjoy the feeling of satisfaction I get from making something so well that people can't stop talking about it--no matter the effort.

It's why I do Thanksgiving at my house every single year.  People are always wanting to help and I just can't do it.  I have to do it. I finally have a system of doing things so that the day of the feast, I actually have time to relax and mingle while things cook.

I say all this to get to this point...

I bought a cookbook put out by Taste of Home and Reader's Digest.  I expected to find from scratch recipes, and a lot of it is.  However, upon further inspection there are recipes in there calling for refrigerated doughs of various breads and certain pre-mixed spices.  WHAT?!

Thinking about it, yes, I get that not everyone likes to do things from scratch. But why not put the recipe for the dough and spice mixes somewhere else in the book?  Would that really be all that difficult?

I'll keep the book because there are quite a few recipes in there that I know the husband will appreciate and they speak to me.  I can't help but feel disappointed in these companies' choice to omit the full from scratch recipes.

I know some of you out there are staring at the screen and have that blank look, and others of you are probably rolling your eyes because you can't fathom why on earth I wouldn't want to make things easier on myself.

Let's look at it from a couple of different angles...

Ladies... 

A majority of girls begin planning their weddings from the time they are able to understand what a wedding is. Once you're engaged, you go into overdrive with all the detailing. There's the photographer, videographer, disc jockey or band, officiant, ceremony site, reception site, seating...well you get the idea.

My point is that you do all this planning and the ceremony lasts fifteen to thirty minutes.  The reception lasts three to six hours on average.  You've had months if not years of planning for a few hours of celebration.  Why not just run to a chapel or Justice of the Peace and then hang out with friends?

Gentlemen...

Your favorite athletes practice plays numerous days a week during their sport's regular season.  They watch footage from other games to study their opponents.  They train for hours upon hours in the off-season. They get paid the big bucks because they are such good athletes.  

If they're so good, then why do they need the practice, training, and studying?  Can't they just go out and do their job without having to deal with all the mess and risk injury during practice?

Kids, Teens, Adolescents...

Going to school and doing homework...such a pain, right?  You do tons of homework, study, do presentations, and take tests.  You go through three to five stages of education.  What are you doing all that for?  Because good grades can get you scholarships or grants.  Most importantly, the jobs that pay well, hire people with degrees and social skills.  

The effort I put out is nothing compared to the reward I receive.  Pride and personal satisfaction.

Best Laid Plans

"You can always amend a big plan, but you can never expand a little one. I don't believe in little plans. I believe in plans big enough to meet a situation which we can't possibly foresee now."

--Harry S. Truman

My husband cracks me up...often.  Every time he makes big plans for us, something inevitably goes awry.  Every little trip, dinner plan, errand or menial outing...a wrench gets thrown into the cogwheels, cranking the gears of life.  

I've grown accustomed to change, and over the past ten years, have learned to welcome it. The husband...not so much.  He dreads it; it makes him anxious and he doesn't handle it well.  I guess that is why I've learned to adapt to whatever happens quickly.  I need to be the calming force--balance the scales to look as though the change is actually to our advantage.  It's not an easy task, but I like a good challenge.

Our ten-year anniversary is coming up, and I was thinking about what he has planned--at least as far as what I know our plans are.  There are some plans I don't and probably won't know about, and I will have to come up with a solution quickly to best squelch the anxiety that will already have taken root the moment we walk out our door to begin our adventure.

So, why am I thinking about this so much?

Courtesy: Disney Fairy Tale Weddings

During our honeymoon, we planned our ten-year anniversary.  Nothing is as we planned. Not a single thing.  Does it bother me?  Only slightly, but it was a lofty goal.  We're talking three-ring circus here, folks.  


As Truman said, (paraphrasing) plan big, things will change, be ready with another big plan.  

Last year, we conceded that our biggest plan, would not come to fruition.  He's pushed that plan to our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.  Big plan...be ready for change. **giggling at the thought**  

The husband has a new plan.  I know the location and length of time.  We've made a few plans within the major plan.  Something may go awry.  For the parts that I am aware of, I am prepared with plans B through Z--always have a backup for a backup.  

Sounds crazy, right?  Maybe so, but I am an analytical person--at times, overly so--but that personality trait has assisted me in other areas of life, and I cannot  will not denounce it.

The big plan is in three weeks...I'll try to revisit after the fact.