"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."
This is so absolutely true, but what happens when you find out your friend was your enemy after all?
This was a topic of conversation today. A friend of mine found that one of her friends is a rather good actress when it comes to playing the friend part. She'd thought this person to be her best friend. Through the grapevine, she'd recently found that this was actually not the case. The messenger relayed this sobering information to my friend by citing a particular instance between my friend and her supposed bestie. She was devastated! I found myself not knowing what to say to her to help her feel better. I couldn't even begin to guess what I would want anyone to say to me.
After a few hours, a few more conversations, some relaxation and a shower, I finally realized some things. It's a shock to one's system, and they're not quite sure what to do with that information. They're hurt and may even be a bit on the defensive their first communiqué with that person. With that first after-the-fact encounter, do they then discuss what has come to light or act like a duck and let it roll off their back?
This is why I don't have many friends. I have been burned by that very platitude more than once. I've learned, as cynical as it may sound, that I can count on no one but myself. If I am disappointed, I have myself to blame. If I am saddened, I have no one to chastise except myself.
There are those that say that no one can hurt you unless you allow them to. I agree with this for the most part, but there are things beyond what little control we hold onto that can surprise the hell out of us. We get broadsided by the shock of it. The impact of it resonates through every bone of our body, shaking the very fiber of our being so much so that it cripples us for a time.
Why is it that what our best friends say to us wound us so deeply?
When we say we have a best friend, we're saying that we have finally found that person--outside of our family--that we can trust with our inner most secrets. We don't expect them to judge. We fully expect that they will stand by our side, no matter the situation.
Sadly, reality eventually hits for most of us, and we come to the realization that what we have is yet another hum-drum "friend"...not a best friend.
People just have a lot of growing up to do. I know this is true for me, but I have learned quite a bit from my harried past.
For example, judging someone is not my job. I may not appreciate things certain people do or the way they do them, but it isn't my place to tell them what they've done wrong. I couldn't honestly say that in that moment I wouldn't have done the same. Also, do I know for sure that the other way "I would have done things" would have been correct?
Opinions run amuck. Everyone has an opinion. It is our unfortunate job to listen to all of them. We don't have to take them in, but if we don't allow them to be spoken, we are perceived as ignorant or uncooperative. It just better to deal with it.
If, for whatever reason, someone steps in and tries to help you with your situation, however unwanted it may be, thank them. You may still POLITELY turn them away, but thank them for their efforts nonetheless.
Don't sweat the small stuff. They're never worth the amount of pain they cause when allowed to fester.
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